The Second Place Part 2

     Catherine McAuley lost her father when she was five and he was all she knew of Catholicism, but it was enough to begin a journey back to the Catholic Church as an adult. The lecturer asked what we remembered from before we were five.
     "Sunshine," I said, and someone made cute noises to indicate that I was cute.
     "Oh, you looked up and saw the sun?"
     "My mother was sick and the curtains were always drawn, but they were thin white curtains, so when the sunlight came through it gave everything a warm yellow glow."
     Then everybody was solemn and that wasn't what I meant at all.
 
     The lecturer had worked in the Middle East decades ago, one of only two American nuns in the area. I wondered if the second American might have been a woman from my parish, and it was, and everyone was astonished and pleased at the coincidence, and the lecturer asked for contact information so that she could reconnect with the other American.

     The nun assigned to help me through the Liturgy of the Hours sometimes forgot to help me. I would flip and flip and flip through the pages, trying to guess which area the reading might be in. Then she would suddenly remember I was helpless, and show me the correct page number, and I would flip madly to the proper place. Afterward, it was time for the Sisters to practice a song, and they let the visitors stay. I picked up the songbook which opened automatically to the right song; Sister opened her book and flipped and flipped and flipped. So I showed her the right page in my book so that she could flip madly to the proper place. Then she bent down and couldn't sing anymore because that was too funny.

     And we ate and ate and it was all very good; the Sisters made most of the meals. I met a nun who looked like a benevolent female Schwarzenegger who seemed very puzzled and a little peeved to hear that there were some nuns who didn't like to use the term "Bride of Christ."

     I liked everybody very much and I didn't go back.

The Second Place Part 1

     I was really excited about the Third Place, but their discernment retreat was a month after the Second Place's, and after I visited the Second Place, I wasn't excited about the Third Place anymore because I liked the Second Place quite a bit and a Very Deep Soul who also came had already been to the Third Place and would only say that it was "Intense." What she meant was "Extremely Crowded" and "They Make You Play Games" and "They're Excited" and "It Will Take Five Hours for Everyone to Go to Confession" and "Your Cellphone Alarm Will Ring and Wake Everybody At Three AM Even Though Its Turned Off" but I didn't know that yet.

     This is a photo of the Very Deep Soul:

 

       She is now a Postulant at the Second Place.

 

     When I arrived, I couldn't find anything that looked like a religious guest house, because it was just like all the ordinary houses and the numbers were hidden. I was early anyway so I just drove around and saw cornfields on one side of the town, and some weird, kitschy cafes and churches on the other side. Then a Sister called me to see if I'd left home yet.

     "Yep! I'm here."

     "You're...here?"

     "Yes. I found a little public park and I'm looking at a lake."

     "Why are you so early?"

     "I thought I might get lost."

     "Why?!"

     "I don't know. I just get lost sometimes. It's okay, there's this lake."

     "Well come over to the guest house and you can take a nap before everybody gets here. This is an awfully small town, you'll get bored out there. Go to the Chapel..."

     "I know where that is..."

     "...and a Sister will meet you there and you can follow her."

 

     The Sister who met me at the Chapel looked like a benevolent Witch of the West, and she happened to be riding a bicycle. I looked scared.

     "Why do you look so scared?" asked the Benevolent Witch of the West.

     "That's just my face." It was also the handkerchief; I didn't know if and when women ought to cover their heads at discernment retreats, and I also didn't know how to wear a bandana, and it stuck up straight more often than it stuck out behind. 

 

     She took off on her bicycle and I took off in the car and then she was gone and I don't know how that happened.

     I pulled up in front of the Main House thinking the bicycle might have disappeared there. Five Sisters hurried toward the driveway, waving their arms forcefully toward the other direction. I panicked and drove away too quickly, and then I panicked again and came back to see where it was that I was supposed to be driving quickly toward, and the bicycle reappeared, and she couldn't figure out how that happened, either.

 

     The guest house stood across the street so I could sit at the table and stare at the Main House and be sorry that I drove too fast on a religious driveway. Then a Sister whipped into the drive in a little red Focus and left twice as fast as me.

 

     There were lots of cookies in the guest house because Panera Bread donates leftovers. There was also lots of coffee, and more stuff in the fridge. There was a quiet, simple bedroom (which I got to chose because I was the first of three). There was a closet with fitted sheets that had been folded, not wadded, and I realized I would never be able to enter this Order.



The First Place part 2

~...even later~

 

     The Effervescent Priest found, not just one, but two correct numbers.

     The first correct number connected me to a nun who had been the Vocations Director ten years earlier.

     The second correct number belonged to the current Vocations Director, who was sick. Her substitute returned my call and gave me a third correct number, which I lost when I accidentally deleted the voicemail.

 

~

 

     One day I talked to the In-Lieu-of-the-Vocations-Director.

     "You will come to a sign that says 'Administration', with four parking spaces in front of it. Go in that door."
     So I went to the sign that said "Administration" with four parking spaces in front of it and went in that door. I had to drive 'round and 'round to find it, and in between, I took the wrong road and approached the Really Spectacular Solemn and August Retirement Mansion. Two old nuns were taking a stroll down the road, a short one and a tall one, and they waved at me, all smiles. I turned around quickly because I did not belong around anything that Majestic, or anyone that sweet. The letters in "Administration" were faded and some were missing, or almost missing. I thought how tacky an entrance it was, in comparison to the Really Spectacular of the other building.
     The lady at the desk had no idea who I was or who I needed to see. I sat in an office chair in everyone's way. Boxes were going in and out of the doors beneath the "Administration" sign in front of the four parking spaces. I had thought that a pixie-cut would be cute but I was mislead and no one knew why my hair was too short and I sat on the crooked chair in everybody's way.
     They found my appointment after leaving several messages on several different phones. The secretary asked the Unhappy Clerk to guide me to the inner region of the other end of the building, and I waited in another office where I was no longer in anyone's way while another secretary made more phone calls, and then I followed a Much Happier Clerk who had me sit outside the Last Office.
     "Under the sign that says 'Administration,'" sighed the In-Lieu-of-the-Vocations-Director (ILotVD) when she arrived.
     "I did."
     "No, THAT one." And there was a Really Nice, Very Impressive Sign that said 'Administration' with no letters missing, above four  newly-painted parking spaces, right outside her office on the opposite end of the world.

~

 

     And I hated everything. Except for some of the pictures, and one of the stairwells, and the short and tall nuns in their habits, and the crackers I found in the glove box.

~

 

     And while I was sitting alone in a drop-off area waiting on the ILotVD, the two old nuns finally finished their journey from the Really Spectacular Solemn and August Retirement Mansion. The tall one reached to open the door and the short one looked at me.

     "I wonder who that guy is waiting for," said the short one.

     "Is it a guy? I don't have my glasses." The tall one stood straighter and squinted. "Yep, its a guy!"